People talk about how hard becoming a Mum can be, but man did I underestimate it. I\u2019ve heard parents joke about how they were so much more relaxed with their second and third babies: you don\u2019t feel the need to constantly check if your baby is breathing, you don\u2019t rush to the doctors at the first sign of sickness, and there\u2019s no carefully selected first foods – just whatever the kid grabs at first. There\u2019s less fussing, less concern and less doubt. You\u2019ve been there before and you know it all works out in the end.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m not really sure why I felt immune to this \u2018first time parent\u2019 experience. I thought: \u201cThat won\u2019t be me, I\u2019ll be the \u2018chill\u2019 Mum. My baby can roll around in the dirt from birth if he really wants. I\u2019ll go with the flow – I\u2019ll take my baby anywhere and we can nap on the go.\u00a0\u00a0None of this stuck at home stuff. I definitely won\u2019t let my marriage suffer – date nights will still be a priority. I\u2019ll make sure we still do fun stuff together.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n But man I was wrong. Turns out I was not immune at all, and my experience would be so different to everything I imagined.<\/p>\n I mean, I knew about postpartum depression. We talked about it at our antenatal classes. I\u2019d even encouraged friends to seek help for themselves when they needed it. But what I didn\u2019t hear about was it\u2019s sneaky, more subtle and more common friend – postpartum anxiety. I didn\u2019t know I could be scared to leave Luka: scared to be more than two minutes away incase he suddenly woke from a nap insatiably hungry. I didn\u2019t know that I could obsess over Luka\u2019s sleep: feeling like a failure every time\u00a0it took me hours to get him to sleep, or he woke up when I put him down. I didn\u2019t know I could be terrified of leaving the house because \u2018what if\u2019 Luka got upset in public and I couldn\u2019t console him; \u2018what if\u2019 I couldn\u2019t get him to sleep at all. Could all this be damaging him in some way?<\/p>\n I guess the anxiety I felt about Luka\u2019s health during my pregnancy should have been a red flag. But I thought – that won\u2019t be me. I won\u2019t struggle THAT much. Yes it will be hard, but surely I\u2019ll be able to manage it, I\u2019ll be able to work through it.<\/p>\n I didn\u2019t know that my experience of the world around me would change. I didn\u2019t know that places that had previously felt like home could feel strange and unfamiliar, and I could be completely overwhelmed by noise and people. It was like my whole sensory processing system had been completely altered. It wasn\u2019t until Luka was 3 months old that another Mum told me that it was completely normal – not only is your baby entering the world, but becoming a Mum is like entering a new world too.<\/p>\n And that\u2019s just the mental and emotional stuff. I hadn\u2019t heard about the physical side of postpartum recovery either. I didn\u2019t know just how sore I would be, or how long it would take for me to feel physically strong again. In fact, I\u2019m still waiting for that one. I didn\u2019t know how much love, care and intentional rehabilitation my body would need.<\/p>\n I loved being pregnant. I\u2019d never felt more beautiful, more capable, more me. Surely being a Mum would feel the same right?<\/p>\n If only I knew. If only I knew just how life-altering having a tiny, fully-dependent human would be. I don\u2019t think you can ever fully prepare for it, but perhaps if I knew a little bit more about sleep deprivation or the physical toll of breastfeeding, maybe I would have given myself more grace. Maybe I wouldn\u2019t have felt like a complete failure when I wasn\u2019t \u2018out and about\u2019 like all the other Mums. Maybe I wouldn\u2019t have felt like the measure of postpartum success was going out for coffee with friends. Maybe I wouldn\u2019t have compared myself so much. Maybe it wouldn\u2019t have taken me four months to seek the help I really needed, physically and mentally.<\/p>\n So here I am now, finally seeing a counsellor. Finally seeing a physiotherapist who specialises in postpartum recovery. I\u2019m starting to prioritise my self care and create things for myself again. Now I can walk around the block by myself without feeling debilitating fear. Now I can leave the house and know that if Luka doesn\u2019t sleep, he will still be ok. And I will be ok too.<\/p>\n I\u2019m definitely still on a journey and I don\u2019t have it all figured out. I\u2019m still exhausted. I still feel lonely. It\u2019s hard to find time for Conor and I to have real conversations, let alone date night. I still stress about Luka\u2019s sleep sometimes. I still compare myself. But I\u2019m working on it.<\/p>\n I wasn\u2019t even sure whether I should share this. I was scared that people would respond just how I would have – \u201cOh that won\u2019t be me. I\u2019ll try harder than her.\u201d I was scared of sharing a part of my world where I feel like I\u2019ve failed.<\/p>\n But then I thought about what I wish I knew. Maybe this can help a Mum-to-be let go of the desire to get it all right. Maybe this can help another first time Mum feel seen, and know that they aren\u2019t alone. Maybe it can help us all throw away unrealistic expectations of parenthood. Maybe this can help us be better friends to one another. Maybe this can help us be a village again.<\/p>\n Looking back now, I always assumed that if my Mum friends needed help that they would ask. I always thought they would tell me if they were struggling. I thought they\u2019d organise to hang out if they wanted to see me. But if I knew what I know now, I wouldn\u2019t have waited for a message. I would have text you to tell you I was coming over to put a load of washing on. I would have cooked you more meals. I would have popped in to say hello, or checked in with you more. And I\u2019m really sorry I didn\u2019t. I just hope that by getting honest about what postpartum really feels like for some us, future Mums will be surrounded by a village.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" People talk about how hard becoming a Mum can be, but man did I underestimate it. I\u2019ve heard parents joke about how they were so much more relaxed with their second and third babies: you don\u2019t feel the need to constantly check if your baby is breathing, you don\u2019t rush to the doctors at the first sign of sickness, and …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":592,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\n