Two Peas In A Pod.

They say opposites attract. That was never really the case for Conor and I. Since we met almost 10 years ago, we’ve always been similar in many ways. We love pizza, movies, dogs and the colour blue. We love rainforests, pretty views and exploring new places. We prefer hanging out with just 2 or 3 people because we feel lost in big groups. One on one hangs are the best! We don’t even look different. When we were teenagers, we were often mistaken as brother and sister. It still happens now sometimes.

We’ve always been people with a plan. We love achieving, strategising, creating and improving. We have high standards. We like to do things well. We call it excellence, but really it’s a touch of perfection. We don’t like getting it wrong; failure is fatal. We crave significance and purpose. We desire to always be moving forward. We hate the feeling of going around in circles and I won’t even mention what it would be like if we started going backwards. We’re responsible and reliable. We couldn’t possibly let you down. I love schedules, lists, knowing what to expect and, most of all, winning. Conor loves systems, strategy, visionary thinking and taking something that is already good and making it incredible. He hates playing card games with me because, like me, he despises losing. We are expert do’ers.

A New Season.

Our world was once our work, but eventually, the hamster wheel broke and we came crashing down. It was painful (excruciatingly so), but the fall was good for us in the end. It caused us to take a long, hard look at ourselves and we began to see clearly. We longed for authenticity, connection and community. But most of all – wholeness. So we took a risk. We quit our jobs, said goodbye to our beloved family and friends and followed God to the far north. It was unknown, uncertain and scary, but we knew it would be good. We felt like God had a season of rest for us – a time to focus on ourselves. We were excited to relax, unwind and renew; to heal, reflect and dream. We desired to be whole, full of purpose and passion again. So of course, we made a plan – it had goals, strategies, requests, to-do lists and deadlines. We were ready for God to fix us, improve us, perfect us. We were going to become expert resters.

But God surprised us. A few days after we arrived in Whangarei, I was reflecting on all the things I wanted God to fix in my heart. He whispered to me sweetly, “But Emma, I don’t think you need fixing.” Ahhh, what?! Have you seen the state of me? I’m a mess. Anxiety, pain, self doubt, the list could go on all day. I’ve at least got some cleaning up to do. I can’t possibly be good enough for the purpose you have for my life looking like this. He responded softly, “You don’t need a plan to be whole, just get close to Me.”

So we threw away the plan. We put aside our desire to achieve and excel. Now we’re pursuing God without an agenda, coming to him just as we are. We’re no longer learning to be expert resters, we’re learning to be loved by the extravagant Father. The one who is kind, gentle and never disappointed in us. The one who has no expectations, requirements or to-do lists. The one who is okay with mess, pain and uncertainty. His love has changed everything. And so the journey begins!

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